Clare's Journal

so tonight I went to a healing mass with Fr. Fernando Suarez.

google it if you're interested.

that is all.

that and a deer ran accross the road infront of my car just a few minutes ago. it was cool. I wouldn;t have hit it, but come to think of it, it could have easily frozen in my headlights and that would have been really ungood.

look how hot i am

Well i had an awesome time last night, aside from the awkwardneed of seeing pat in line for heart and crown. Another thing that could have been improved on is me NOT getting so ridiculously drunk off of such a small quantity of beer. I know some people might be thinking: but thats the best! that's what you want to happen!
well folks, sorry but not for me, and frankly I was kind of embarrassed...though too drunk to care. Funnier still, I drank the same amount as Nabil, and he was fine.
good thing is was only beer though because I need to be fresh as a daisy this morning, seeing as its mothers day. Last weekend I had one or two shooters at gracies to support kims soccer team, and even from that little amount of hard liquor, I was sooo hungover the next day. booooo

i think I'm getting good now at telling people when I'm angry if they make me angry. Instead of just putting up with it and then taking out on one person later. Hopefully this will be a trend, and I don't mind a bit. Its not as if i get angry with people often, I just mean like, big things. If i felt someone has really wronged me I usually wouldn't say anything, and now i'm getting better.

I had a dream last night that i made a cake. hahaha how domestic of me. It was an elaborate chocolate mousse, whipped cream, jell-o conconction, topped with fresh strawberries and...whats this? gherkin pickles? yeah thats right, whats wrong with me? I'm probably just expressing my general dislike for elaborate desserts of that nature through my dreams. that, or I really want a pickle. (which is, by the way, most of the time)

anyways, i'd better get on that. byeee

I am filled...no positively brimming with such an intense desire right now to go back to europe. oh i miss it i miss it i miss it. I want to go back to paris and spend more than a day, and I want to go back to germany and roam the streets again and navigate my way through the subways and buy things using euros and eat candy from suspicious looking kioske vendors at the stoppenmarkt.
however, i am going to autralia in 2008, so i'll let that console me for now because atleast it's somewhere, but nothing could really quench this thirst other than drinking a crappy german beer (sorry i know its their thing, but come on.... 2.5% alcohol) inside of a mcdonalds in a train station, while police throw down tear gas and the people riot all around me yelling incomprehensible german cuss words.


:D

i really hope adam gregory comes to ottawa this summer because i think that would pretty much make my summer if i could go see him again.

so whats new....I got accepted to potsdam...finally. This means that come september I'm off to new york state for teachers college. Its a little surreal seeing as I'm only 20. I'll have a full year in classes, and then my last semester I'll be doing practicum in schools. After that I guess I'm just supposed to wait until someone hires me. I'm so torn between feeling like I'm a grown-up now, but at the same time I'm still only 20. I mean, Kim and I have a class together this summer and all we do is pass eachother notes the same we we did back in grade 10. And the entire time I'm thinking...I'm goign to have to be an elementary school teacher soon. I think back to my own elementary school and my teachers all seemed so much older and I guess they were. I wonder if my classes will look up to me that way. I wonder all the time. Will I be able to love them all the way I hope I will, or will I find myself resenting some students, or picking favourites. And if I do, will I be able to not let it show...Will I be able to have that patience and gentle strength that I wish so much that i could exude...I hope so. I hope I'm the best teacher that ever was and I hope I can make a difference in the lives of the children and lead them down the right path. And maybe just having that hope is enough, or maybe it isn't. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. But it's been weighing a lot on my mind lately.

As for other things that are new...I dunno. Summer is going really well. We had a bonfire the other day and it felt like a cross between an American Eagle ad, and a Bailey's commercial. Its nice to do these summery things now making memories and whatnot. Not like my life is going to be over once I'm a teacher, but theres no time like the present to do the things you want.

Last week was pretty hard. It was the 2 year mark since Erin passed away. Its weird because on the one hand, I've gotten to the point where I can talk abotu her with whoever and not cry,(actually that point came fairly quickly, depending on the person) but theres still that thought that two years ago, we still had her. That life was infinitley different...and we were children yet so much more mature than our peers because of it. we all watched our friends going clubbing on the weekends and getting drunk while we were playing board games and watching tv, but we weren't at all naive.

And now? its like the world exploded and sent us all flying into a million different directions.

But thats everyone...and I look at myself and I hardly even know what to say. I've been through so many ups and downs that now I barely know where I stand. On one hand I am so happy lately, and I feel so blessed to have such amazing friends. Kim almost made me cry the other day, telling me just how she thought I was smart...On the other hand, I feel myself slipping sometimes, and I've been crying a lot...but in the end, I am confident that everythings going to happen the way I want it to.

I didn't phrase that quite right....

I'm going to be deliriously happy... yes that sounds better

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Clare+Evenson


do it for me!!!

I think I will think about all of the motherly things I have done in the past few weeks and reflect on how much I wish i was done school and married with children.

*cut a slice of pizza into tiny bite size pieces.
*managed to administer gross tasting cough syrup to an unwilling four year old.
*managed to administer a ventolin puffer to both an unwilling four year old and an unwilling two year old as well as a most willing 6 year old.
*built over a dozen castles with foam blocks for the sole purpose of them being knocked down.
*changed a diaper
*taken a splinter out of a squirmy 10 year old.
*read over a dozen "Dora" books outloud
*read dr. seuss outloud
*french braided hair
*allowed hair and make-up to be done by an 8 year old.


anyways i think im getting a fever now. I hate being siiiiick.

so in procrastinating on my essay,while laughing at the men over 40 on hot or not today I came across 6 (edit: SEVEN!!..edit again EIGHT!!!) different pictures of this one guy. his profile reads
"are there any naughty ladies out there who may be in dire need of a good spanking? If so, look no further. I am the master of erotic discipline, and am ready to assist you in seeing the error of your naughty ways.. See ya over my knee soon!"











so disturbing